Phil Jones

Phil Jones, the precinct sourpuss, was a maniacal police officer and worshiper of Elgioh. He was a follower of the "arms in the front" ideology. In his career he hunted redheads and liked to creepily feel himself in public.

Equipment
A well-trained cop prepared for anything, Jones typically relied on spamming his bottomless pepper spray to solve all problems - including fleeing suspects, traffic incidents, and weak coffee. In truly dire situations, he would deploy his similarly infinite taser. Getting to the crime scene was achieved with his cop car, the operation of which gained Jones many severe injuries in the line of duty. It wasn't his fault, though. Those civilians, walls, and oceans were clearly trying to intercept him.

Phil's Mission Report
"'Dear diary - today I went to the park looking for a redhead with a bowl cut. An innocent woman died in the lake of unknown causes. No investigation necessary. Speaking of no investigations, no need to investigate my cop car okay? It was like that when I got here.'"